


If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

by wemovealong



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 07:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wemovealong/pseuds/wemovealong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis had always meant the world to Harry. But to Louis, he was just a “huge, drunken mistake”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is based on the timeline of their 'Take Me Home' tour. Obviously, the events in this fic are not real - hence the 'alternate universe' tag and the fact that it's an mpreg, haha.
> 
> Also, let's just pretend that males can get pregnant, alright?
> 
> Title from the song "Clarity" by Zedd.

Harry wanted it to be perfect – his first time, that is. He didn’t want to lost his virginity to just anyone even though he could basically have anyone he wanted. He wanted to be in love. He wanted to make love. He wanted romance.

The other lads and all of his other friends laughed at him. None of them were virgins anymore. It’s easy to shed that status when you’re in a world-wide famous boyband. But despite the various rumors in the media, Harry was pretty damn innocent. He wasn’t the “womanizing, cougar-loving, girl crazy man-slut” that the magazines made him out to be. In fact, he didn’t even like girls, which is why things likely didn’t work out with Caroline Flack.

The media made it seem that the two of them were bedding each other. In reality, they were just good friends. They had an interest in each other, but when it came down to it, Harry just really wasn’t into snogging her. Like, at all. They had stopped seeing each other in a romantic way very quickly but the media had already been all over it and it started his bad reputation and gave Caroline a lot of grief with Harry being seventeen and all.

There was one person that he really did love in that way though. It was his bandmate Louis Tomlinson. He had always fancied Louis, ever since they met at The X Factor.

He often flirted with Louis, not even really realizing that he would be doing it. Louis was oblivious though. But it was okay because Harry knew that the crush was hopeless. Louis was not only straight but was already in a relationship with a girl called Eleanor.

So until he could actually find someone that he was truly, madly, deeply in love with – and wasn’t his straight best friend who was already taken – then a virgin he would remain.

-&-

It was two days before their world tour was to begin and the lads were doing last minute preparations. That’s all they had really been doing for the past month, rehearsal after rehearsal. They were all tired of rehearsing.

Since it was their last day of rehearsals, Louis suggested that they all go out for a drink afterwards to celebrate their upcoming tour.

“Should we really be going out now though? Two days before the tour begins?” an always hesitant Liam asked.

Louis rolled his eyes at him. “Exactly, Liam, its two days before the tour so it’s not like we’re gonna be hungover for the first show, Liam.” Louis said matter-of-factly.

In the end, Louis convinced Liam to go out with them, and so the two plus Harry, Niall, and Zayn went out to a local club in London.

Harry liked the idea of going out with the lads. They didn’t do this enough anymore – spending time outside of work. Plus, if Louis was going, then of course he wanted to go as well. It’s been over two years now and if that boy said jump, Harry would ask “how high?”. He hated how hopelessly pathetic he felt around Louis. He broke his own heart all the time over Louis. It’s not easy being in love with someone who you know would have absolutely no interest in you.

-&-

A few hours later, they were a few bottles and quite a few more shots in, and Harry’s world was spinning. Their “lads night out” hadn’t really gone as he expected it would. Well, maybe it did, but it didn’t go as he hoped it would. Zayn and Liam had both flaked out quite early, leaving after only a beer or two, and Niall had gone off with some blonde that he had never seen before. This left him alone with Louis. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be alone with Louis, because he really, really did, it was just that he and the boys didn’t do this sort of thing very often anymore and he had kind of hoped that they would all be able to spend some time together.

Both Harry and Louis were absolutely wasted. Louis grabbed Harry by the hand and dragged him out to the dance floor.

“Dance with me, babe!” Louis shouted over the loud, thumping music.

Were they playing Britney Spears? Harry had no idea anymore. He was so gone.

His thoughts were quickly interrupted by Louis grinding into him. His perfectly round ass was pushing against Harry’s hips and Harry had no idea how to react. Louis didn’t take notice and just kept dancing against him. After a few seconds of not knowing what to do, Harry decided “fuck it”, and danced with his best friend.

A few songs later, Louis faced Harry. He had a look of lust in his eyes. He pushed himself up on his toes and whispered into Harry’s ear, “I want you, so badly.”

He didn’t give Harry anytime to respond. He grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the club. They found a cab almost instantly and Louis laughed as he pushed Harry into the back seat. He climbed in next to Harry and told the cab driver his address and they were on their way.

-&-

They arrived at Louis’ flat about ten minutes later. It used to be Harry’s flat as well but he had found his own place a few months back. Sometimes he regretted moving out. He hated living alone and often spent most of his time sleeping on random friend’s couches for days on end.

After a full two minutes of Louis fumbling with his keys, he somehow managed to finally open the door to the flat. Harry walked in and Louis followed and shut the door behind them. Louis then grabbed Harry, pushed him against the nearest wall, and placed his mouth onto Harry’s, kissing him deeply.

Harry closed his eyes and kissed him back, running his hands up and down Louis’ back. Louis had his fingers twirled into Harry’s hair.

How is this even happening right now? Surely he was dreaming and would wake up any second.

For a second time that night, his thoughts were interrupted as Louis suddenly pulled away. Harry looked down at him and Louis looked up with dark eyes and mischievous smile.

“Bedroom. Now.” Louis demanded. He took Harry’s hand and dragged him away. After a few sloppy kisses on the staircase, they made it to the bedroom and Louis pushed Harry onto his unmade bed.

A few more deep, wet kisses, and they were shedding their clothes. They were both very naked and both very hard.

Harry was on top of Louis and the two of them laid there kissing, Louis squeezing Harry’s arse.

Suddenly Harry was on his back and Louis was on top of him. They stopped kissing and Louis was staring down at him.

“Can I fuck you?” Louis asked.

“Okay,” was the response that Harry managed to get out of his mouth. This was not at all how he expected this night to go.

Louis spread Harry’s legs and got himself in between them, sitting up on his knees, getting ready to align himself against Harry’s hole.

Harry was pretty sure that they were missing some steps of preparation before the cock was actually supposed to go inside him but his mind was so clouded over by the alcohol that he couldn’t even think of those steps right now.

All he could think about right now was Louis.

Louis looking so beautiful above him.

Feeling Louis near his entrance.

Louis starting to push in.

Ouch. Fuck. Shit.

Harry grimaced in pain. Was it supposed to hurt this much?

“Jesus Christ, you’re tight,” Louis said as pushed further in to Harry.

Somehow Louis managed to push all the way inside of Harry. He saw Harry’s face which showed signs of discomfort and he kissed him until Harry felt a bit better. He then began pumping away.

Louis didn’t last too long and he came inside of Harry with a moan and Harry’s name on his lips as Harry came seconds later from stroking himself.

Both boys fell asleep almost instantly afterwards.

-&-

Harry hurt everywhere when he woke up. His head was pounding, his arse was sore. The sunlight coming in through the window was burning his eyes. He felt like he was going to puke.

He rolled over onto his side and was startled by what he saw. It was Louis.

Clips from the night before started filling his mind. Oh shit.

It was at that moment that Louis started to wake up himself. He fussed about before finally opening his eyes. He saw green eyes staring back at him. Remembering what happened, he panicked.

“Oh god, please tell me we didn’t do what I think we did?” Louis groaned, sitting up in the bed. He was naked. They both were naked. This wasn’t good.

“We did,” Harry responded. Louis got out of the bed and found a pair of pants to put on. He turned around to Harry who was still lying in his bed.

“You need to leave, Harry,” Louis said quickly. “It was a mistake.” He pointed with his finger and motioned between the two of them. “Me being with you was a big, drunken mistake.”

Harry sat up in Louis’ bed not knowing what to say. He could feel his throat start to tighten. He wanted to cry.

Louis continued. “Nobody can ever know about this, okay? Nobody.” He was pacing around his bedroom a little bit, his voice full of worry and panic. “We were just being stupid. It meant nothing, right?”

Harry managed to squeak out a “right”. He felt sick to his stomach.

He got out of the bed and found his clothes from the night before and started to get dressed. Louis was still rambling on about “this was a huge mistake” and “oh god, I cheated on Eleanor” and “I’m not even gay, I can’t be gay”.

Harry was fully dressed now and was heading to the door. Louis quickly walked over to him before he left and stood in the doorway in front of Harry. “So do you promise you won’t tell anyone?

Harry nodded and Louis’ stepped out of the way so that Harry could leave.

When Harry got outside into the burning sunlight of that Friday morning, he called a cab to come pick him up.

He sat in the cab as it drove him back to his own place. Once he got inside, he fell apart.

Even though his head was still pounding and his arse was still crazy sore, there was a new pain that overcame him. It filled his heart and his lungs. It came out of his eyes in the form of tears.

He fell against the closed front door and sat there on the floor, chest heaving and tears flowing down his flushed cheeks.

He knew that him and Louis probably shouldn’t have happened, or at least not in that way with them both being extremely drunk. But still. It was his first time.

Louis had always meant the world to Harry. But to Louis, he was just a “huge, drunken mistake”.

Right now, he wished that could turn back time. He wanted his virginity back.

-&-

Harry spent the day moping around in his room. He ignored any phone calls or texts that came his way. He didn’t even watch the tele. He just lay in his bed sobbing into a pillow for hours on end.

He would have continued to do this for a few more days had it not been for the band’s world tour starting the next day. He had no choice but to pull himself together and head out to perform at the London concert that day.

Louis wouldn’t even look at him when he got there. Harry’s heart broke all over again.

This is how the next few days of concerts went – Louis ignoring Harry and Harry pretending to be happy on stage and off stage and then going off to be in his own misery.

It didn’t help that Harry’s fucking arse was still sore and was a constant reminder of the drunken night.

One night Harry and Niall had to share a hotel room together. Niall had noticed how distant Harry had been becoming and when Niall decided to ask if he was okay, Harry just shook his head and burst into tears. Niall went over to Harry’s bed and held him closely. He tried his best to comfort his obviously hurt friend even though he had no idea what had happened to him.

“S’okay, mate,” Niall repeated over and over as Harry curled into him. They stayed like that until they both fell asleep.

Niall never asked questions, which was one of the things that Harry liked about Niall. He wouldn’t have told him anything anyway though, even if he had asked. Even though he hated Louis right now, he still made a promise not to tell.

-&-

After a good cry in Niall’s arms, Harry felt a bit better.

A week after “that night”, he decided that Louis wasn’t really worth his tears anymore. Plus, his arse didn’t hurt anymore so that was quite nice.

However, things took a turn by the time the hit Nottingham on their tour. Harry woke up that morning extremely nauseous and he had to run straight to the toilet. He felt terrible for the rest of the day.

The exact same thing happened the next morning and also when one of their stylists walked by with a new perfume on.

He just couldn’t stop throwing up.

Thankfully, he was still able to perform but it wasn’t easy when he felt like complete shit.

He spent the next week and a bit throwing up on and off, at various times during the day.

At this point, they were starting their Europe portion of the tour and the landed in France that morning. He had been feeling a lot better today so he was hoping that whatever it was that had was going away.

After the Paris concert that night, they had a meet-and-greet after a concert. Harry had always loved interacting with the fans.

Near the end of the greet, he met a young girl who was there with her very pregnant mother.

Harry couldn’t help but stare at the woman’s belly and it was at that moment that he suddenly remembered one of the things that he and Louis forgot that night.

They never used a fucking condom.

Harry had to excuse himself to go find somewhere to throw up.

-&-

Was he pregnant? Is that why he’s been sick? Harry wasn’t sure and he couldn’t get the thoughts out of his head.

And how in the fuck was he going to get tested anyway? It’s not like could just waltz right into a drug store and buy himself a pregnancy test. Somebody would surely see him.

He also couldn’t just go see his family doctor. He was in bloody France for Christ’s sake.

He could wait until he had a day off to go back to London, but if he waited too long, he’d end up going mental. Harry needed to know now.

He lay on his hotel bed for three hours thinking of a way to get himself tested.

Finally, he came up with a solution – Lou Teasdale.

Lou was a makeup artist for the band and the two of them were good friends. She would help him. Plus, she was a woman and she had been pregnant not too long ago with precious baby Lux.

If she went out and got him the pregnancy test, nobody would hassle her for being in a worldwide famous boyband.

Harry really didn’t want to tell her his situation but since he had no other suitable options, he had no other choice.

-&-

Harry waited until the next morning to go and see Lou. By the time he had made the decision to tell her, it would have been too late in the day for her to go out for him.

Harry walked down the hotel hall and stood in front of the door to the room that Lou was staying in. He stood there for a few minutes, trying to calm himself down. He was extremely nervous.

Finally, he knocked and Lou came to greet him at the door.

“Harry, what are you doing up so early?” she asked when she saw the teenage boy standing in front of her.

Harry felt a lump growing in his throat. “I need your help,” he managed to get out before the tears started falling.

She ushered him into her room. She moved Harry towards a chair and he sat down. She knelt down in front of him. His hands were covering his face.

“Sweetie, what is it? What’s wrong?” Lou asked in a soothing voice.

He removed his hands from his face and wiped his wet face against his sleeve.

“I think I might be in trouble,” Harry said in a quiet, almost inaudible voice.

Lou had a look of concern on her face. “What can I do for you, Harry?”

“Could you buy me a pregnancy test?

-&-

Lou was very surprised and had questions for Harry, ones of which he refused to answer. He couldn’t tell her about Louis. She agreed to go buy the test for him anyway.

Harry went back to his own hotel room and waited.

It felt like the longest half an hour of his life before Lou knocked on his door, returning with the pregnancy test in hand.

“Do you want me to stay with you while you take it, sweetheart?” Lou asked him.

“Thank you, but I think I need to do this on my own.” Harry responded quietly.

This felt like the sort of thing that he should be doing with a partner – or, well, Louis – but obviously that was out of the question.

“Alright,” She gave him a reassuring smile. “It’ll be okay, Harry.”

He didn’t believe that but he tried his best to give her a small smile back.

Lou went back to her room and Harry stepped into his own. He went to the bathroom and leaned against the sink, reading the instructions to the dreaded pregnancy test.

All he had to do was pee on the stick thingy and wait three to five minutes.

He did this and then set his phone alarm to go off in five minutes.

One minute, two minutes, three minutes, four minutes.

Five minutes.

His let out a breath that he hadn’t even knew he’d been holding.

He managed to get a shaking hand to turn over the test.

His chest felt heavy and the tears started flowing down his cheeks.

The test was positive.

-&-

What the fuck was he going to do?

What was he going to tell his mum? Would the lads be mad at him? Would management fire him?

What would Louis say?

These questions and more repeated through his mind all afternoon as he lay crying his heart out in the Paris hotel.

The other lads were out enjoying some down time before their concert that night while Harry lay crying his heart out in the Paris hotel.

He couldn’t stay in his room all day though because of the concert so he had to try to pull himself together.

He looked like shit. His eyes were all puffy from all the crying, his hair was a disaster.

Lou fixed him up though and no one, not even the lads, could tell that there had been something wrong.

Lou knew what the results were obviously. She didn’t say anything though, just gave Harry a big hug.

-&-

Lou helped Harry out a lot in the upcoming weeks. She helped him to tell his mum about his pregnancy over the phone. Anne was a bit disappointed due to his young age and refusal to say who the father was, but she said that she loved him no matter what and that she would be supportive. His mum told Gemma and Robin and called his father for him.

Lou also managed to get him a secret appointment for a doctor’s check-up and an ultrasound in Denmark. He was just over two months pregnant. He cried when he saw the tiny little bean on the ultrasound machine.

“It’s real,” Harry said to no one in particular and he smiled. He realized that he hadn’t really smiled in a quite a long time and then he cried again because of that.

He still hadn’t told anyone other than Lou and his family. He didn’t date tell management and he didn’t want to tell the lads without telling Louis first, and he really wasn’t ready to tell Louis that he was going to be a father.

When they finally hit Portugal, the last spot on their European portion of the tour, he was just over three months pregnant, probably about thirteen or fourteen weeks. He was starting to gain a little bump. It wasn’t too big that he couldn’t hide it, but that was right now.

He wasn’t going to be able to hide this thing forever.

They’d be having a break for a week and a bit after their concert in Turkey that night and then it’d be off to America.

Harry decided that if he was going to have to tell Louis, then tonight would be the night because if he reacted badly at least he wouldn’t have to see him for a week.

Louis has been excited all week long because he was planning on taking Eleanor on some luxurious vacation on their time off.

Harry was going to ruin his excitement, but he didn’t really mind because Louis knocking him up had ruined his abs, so he feels that it’s only fair.

-&-

The only time that he and Louis spoke now was when they needed to like on stage or in interviews. Other than that, they both tried their best to stay away from one another.

Louis was a bit taken back when Harry asked if they could talk after the concert that night.

After the concert was over, everyone went back to the hotel. They had about two hours before they needed to be packed up and out of there to catch their flight back to London.

Harry and Louis decided on Harry’s room to have their talk.

Louis looked nervous and Harry wondered momentarily if he maybe already knew.

The two of them sat on the bed facing each other. Harry grabbed a pillow and hugged it tight to his chest.

“So.. What’s up?” Louis asked slowly. He looked a bit annoyed.

“Well, um.. Do you remember that night that, uh, we were, um, together?” Harry stuttered out as Louis frowned.

“The night that I said I never wanted to talk about ever again?” Louis responded back and his words felt a bit like a slap across the face.

They sat in silence for a moment, just staring at each other.

“I’m pregnant,” Harry said, in almost a whisper.

Louis didn’t say anything, just stared at Harry for what felt like ages.

“Fuck,” was all he said before he got up and left the room, leaving Harry alone.

-&-

For their little break between Europe and America, Harry went home to Cheshire. He really needed to be with his family right now, more than ever.

He hadn’t seen them at all since finding out his pregnancy, and when the car from the airport dropped him off at the family home, he ran to the front door where his mum greeted him with open arms.

The two of them talked for hours. They laughed, they cried. Harry told her that Louis was the father and then he cried to her about how love wasn’t fair and such.

Harry didn’t hear from Louis at all. Not even a phone call or a text.

He did notice that there were not any paparazzi shots of Louis and Eleanor at the airport or anything and that there were no “sightings” of the two of them together.

Then near the end of their break, he saw Eleanor’s Facebook relationship status change to single though, so he assumed that Louis told her.

Shortly after that, Anne had got a phone call from Jay, Louis’ mum, and the two of them talked for a bit, getting all giddy about them both becoming grandmothers.

Harry asked his mum about Louis when she was finished talking to Jay. She told him that Jay said that Louis “didn’t really want to talk about” and had spent a lot of time in his room likely sulking about the whole situation.

As soon as Harry knew it, the break was over, and he had to get back on tour again. He was sad to leave home. His mum had been pampering him all week, making him healthy meals and buying him lotions that would help prevent stretch marks.

Plus, he wasn’t really ready to go back. He knew he was going to have to tell management and the other boys because his bump was definitely not getting any smaller.

Also, he knew that Louis would be there and he wasn’t quite ready to see him again.

-&-

Louis didn’t utter even one word to Harry when the lads all met up at the airport. In fact, he didn’t really talk to anyone. Just kind of kept to himself, listening to his iPod.

Harry decided on the plane trip that he would tell the boys about the pregnancy tonight after they landed.

The first stop in North America was Mexico. Harry realized just how awful this part of the tour was going to be as soon as they landed. It was bloody hot outside. Everyone was wearing shorts, t-shirts, and tank tops, and there Harry was, wearing a jumper to hide his growing belly.

Harry was thankful that the hotel that they arrived at was air-conditioned.

Before the lads could all scramble to their own rooms, Harry stopped them and asked if they could have a band meeting, just the five of them, before they all went off to bed.

Louis stared at him with wide eyes, likely worried of what Harry might tell the others.

They all went to the room that would be Harry’s for the next two days and situated themselves onto the double bed.

“So what’s this about? We never have band meetings, like ever,” Liam inquired.

“Um, well, I kind of have an announcement, I guess,” Harry started. “Basically, um.. I’m kind of, um.. pregnant,”

The boys just kind of stared for a few seconds before Zayn started laughing.

“What do you mean ‘kind of’ pregnant?” Zayn asked. The other boys started laughing too, well, except Louis. Harry always had a way with words.

“That came out weird. But yeah, I’m definitely pregnant,” Harry chuckled.

“Okay, but more importantly, you lost your virginity and you never told us?!” Niall demanded.

Harry took a quick glance over to Louis who wasn’t looking back at him. He stayed quiet, pulling at a loose end on the hem of his shirt.

“It was like a one time thing,” Harry replied.

“Do you know who the guy is or was it like a random lad from a club?” Liam questioned him.

Harry was getting nervous because he didn’t really know how to get around these questions.

“Um..” Harry started.

Louis interrupted him. “It’s mine,” he said.

Before anyone had the chance to respond, Louis was heading out the door.

They all sat and watched him leave and once he was gone, all attention was back at Harry.

He had three sets of eyes staring at him in confusion.

Louis sure had this way of not dealing with the issues that were in front of him, that was for sure.

-&-

The boys asked Harry about he and Louis and Harry told them that they had been drunk and slept together back in February. Niall asked if that’s why he had been sad for a while back then and Harry told him yes.

They all left to go to their own rooms shortly, all hugging Harry tightly before leaving.

He was glad that their meeting had gone well and that no one was really mad at him or anything.

Tomorrow would likely be a whole different story with management. They were not going to be as understanding as the boys were.

When he woke up, he got himself ready for the day, and decided to stop by Louis’ room which was just down the hall from his.

He had already asked management if he could speak to them this morning, and he thought that maybe Louis might want to join him since it wasn’t just Harry’s issue, it was both of theirs.

He knocked on the door and it took Louis a minute to actually get to the door.

They didn’t greet each other. Harry just went right in for what he had come there for.

“So I have a meeting with management in like twenty minutes, and I was wondering, if you’d, you know, wanna come with me?” Harry asked.

“I guess so, yeah,” Louis said after a minute.

Harry had to admit that he was relieved that Louis agreed to join him because he really didn’t want to face management on his own.

-&-

It had all actually gone a lot better than Harry had expected it would.

They weren’t happy, like at all, but they didn’t fire them or drop One Direction from the music label or anything like that. To be honest, he wasn’t even sure if they could do that anyway, but nonetheless, he was relieved.

They did yell a bit though, but he expected that to happen, so both he and Louis just kind of sat there and let them yell.

In the end, management decided that when they go to L.A., they’d have the boys go on a big talk show to announce the pregnancy. They said that they would try to work it out so that they could come out with it on The Ellen DeGeneres show because her show is fun and easy going and it’s very LGBT positive.

They also said that the group could have a few months of break time after the tour since so that Harry and Louis can adjust to becoming new parents. Plus, they all will need a break anyway since the group will have been touring all year.

Harry asked if they would possibly let him sit down more during the concerts because he was feeling heavier and his feet were sore and swollen. They agreed to that as well.

So all in all, the meeting had gone surprisingly well.

Before letting Harry and Louis leave, they demanded that the two of them actually sit down and talk to each other about things because even management had caught on to the fact that the two of them had not really been speaking for quite a while.

Both boys agreed to talk about things, but Harry didn’t really know if Louis was being genuine or not.

-&-

Apparently though, he was being genuine. After the left their meeting with management, Louis asked him if he wanted to talk now or later. Harry said that now was good. He didn’t really want Louis to change his mind later if he waited.

They went up to Harry’s hotel room and sat awkwardly across from each other on the bed, just like they had not too long ago when Harry had told Louis that he was pregnant.

Both of them just kind of sat there, not really looking at each other and not really knowing what to say. Harry was almost four months pregnant now so they hadn’t really talked in about four months.

“So.. it’s been a while since we’ve properly talked, huh..” Harry tried to get some kind of conversation going because the awkward silence was getting really uncomfortable.

“Yeah.. I guess it has been a while,” Louis responded.

There was another moment of awkward silence again before Louis blurted out, “I’m sorry, Harry, for everything.”

Harry looked at him and Louis was actually staring back at him. It was probably the first time in almost four months that they actually gave each other direct eye contact.

“Sorry for what?” Harry inquired. He started to feel that familiar lump in his throat. God, he hated these stupid hormones.

“I’ve been really stupid and I haven’t been there for you at all,” Louis began listing off things that he wanted to apologize for, “and I said horrible things to you and I didn’t mean them, I was just scared, you know..”

Harry had tears streaming down his face as Louis spoke.

“.. and I’ve felt so shit because we haven’t spoken, and I just really, really miss you.”

Louis’ eyes were glassy and he looked like he might start crying as well. He moved across the bed on his knees and sat himself next to Harry and hugged him. Harry cried even harder and held onto Louis’ arm that was draped across his chest.

Harry could hear Louis sniffling a bit too.

They stayed like that for a bit, until Louis pulled away, wiped Harry’s tears away, and pulled him on to the bed so that they were lying there together.

Harry was nuzzled against Louis’ chest and Louis had an arm wrapped around him.

They didn’t say anything for a long time, just lay there in each other’s arms.

“I’m going to be there for you and our baby,” Louis declared to him. “I promise.”

“Okay,” Harry replied.

They both drifted off after that, only waking when Paul knocked on the door, yelling at them to hurry up because they had to leave to do their concert that night.

-&-

It started around four months – the speculations of a pregnancy from the media. All Harry could do was deal with it. He wasn’t getting any smaller, that was for sure, and it’s really not that easy to hide in big, baggy jumpers when it’s sweltering outside.

Harry just tried his best to stay in the hotels or on the tour bus. Sure, he was missing out on like everything that the other boys were getting to do outside of the concerts, but he was too tired to care. None of them were carrying a small watermelon underneath their shirts or had swollen feet so badly that he couldn’t fit into his converse or had crazy hormones that made him cry about absolutely everything.

Sometimes Louis would stay back with him and keep him company which was always nice. They were finally speaking to each other again. Harry was glad because he really had missed him.

They never did anything more than cuddle. Harry didn’t know if they would ever try for a relationship. Louis was had always been really defensive over his sexuality. He used to always get really defensive when people would insinuate that he and Harry were together.

Maybe that would change someday? Harry hoped so, because if he was being honest, he never really stopped loving Louis, even through all that they had been through in the past few months.

He wasn’t going to dwell on it though. He didn’t want to be one of those people that try to hold down a guy by having their baby. If a relationship happened, that’d be nice, but he wouldn’t try to push for it for “the sake of the baby”.

-&-

Harry was going to have his second ultrasound done in Toronto and this was the one where they’d be able to tell if it was a boy or a girl. He personally didn’t really have a preference but Louis wanted a girl.

At this point, he was almost five months pregnant and everyone knew it. They hadn’t officially announced it or anything but it was damn obvious of what was underneath his shirt.

The fans had been mostly supportive from what he allowed himself to see on Twitter. There was a bit of hate, which was to be expected considering he was nineteen and pregnant and a dude, but he tried his best to ignore it.

The paparazzi were very annoying, however. They all wanted to get a shot of Harry’s baby bump and to ask him annoying questions about his sexuality and if he knew who the father was and etc.

Canada was pretty good though for not having too much paparazzi which was nice change from most places in America. That’s why they had decided to make his appointment in Toronto because there likely wouldn’t be any paps trying to get the scoop on Harry’s personal life.

Louis tagged along aside Harry to the ultrasound. He hadn’t been the first one since he hadn’t even known about the pregnancy back then so he was nervous. Harry, however, was excited. He couldn’t wait to his little baby again. Plus, they’d get to find out if it was a boy or a girl.

Harry was laid down upon the examination table and was told to lift up his shirt as the ultrasound tech squirted that blue liquid stuff on his belly. Harry winced at the coolness of it.

Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and squeezed tight as the ultrasound tech got started to move the wand over Harry’s bump.  
“Here it is – your baby!” the ultrasound tech said gleefully.

Both boys stared at the screen in awe, Harry’s tears starting immediately.

It really was there. Last time Harry thought it looked more or less like a little blob, but wow, there was actually a human in there – a human that he and Louis made together.

Harry looked up at Louis who was still holding his hand. He wiped at his eyes, sniffling a bit. “Wow,” was all he said.

Harry smiled at him. Louis noticed and smiled back.

“Would you boys like to know the sex of the baby?” the ultrasound tech asked.

“Yes, please!” Harry responded excitedly.

“Well, congratulations, you’re having a girl!”

-&-

The next few weeks were more or less the same as before.

The paps were still relentless with wanting to get the scoop on everything that was going on. Everybody was very protective of Harry though, someone always making sure that he and the baby were safe.

Harry was starting to get really tired during the concerts and he would often have to leave for a few minutes to take a pee break since there was a baby sitting on his bladder.

The fans seemed to understand though. Everyone had surprisingly been really supportive of Harry and people still came to the concerts and the meet-and-greets.

When they were at their concert in Dallas, Harry saw a sign in the crowd that said “CONGRATZ ON THE BABY HAZ” in big colourful letters and he actually started crying.

After videos of that moment started circulating on Twitter and Tumblr, more fans started bringing supportive signs with them for Harry and some fans even brought baby stuff for Harry at the meet-and-greets. Harry couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have such amazing fans.

Near the end of the American part of their tour, they decided to finally come out with officially. Their management had decided that it probably wouldn’t ruin their careers since they saw how supportive everyone had been already.

The five boys were guests on ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’ and she asked them questions about their tour and their next album and other typical interview questions. It was after a commercial break, that Ellen threw the question out to Harry.

“So Harry Styles,” she started with a smile, “obviously you must know that there have been numerous rumors and speculations about you lately – rumors and speculations regarding a pregnancy? Is it true that you are expecting a baby?”

Harry placed his hands on bump. “Yep,” he said, smiling.

Half of the audience was cheering; the other half was ‘awe-ing’.

“Well, congratulations! How far along are you?” Ellen asked.

“Around six months.” He replied.

“That’s fantastic! I would have never guessed that you were so far along.” Ellen said as she motioned to Harry’s very obvious pregnant belly. Harry and the boys laughed and so did the audience.

“Are we allowed to know who the other father is?”

“Um..” Harry didn’t really know what to say.

Apparently he didn’t have to say anything though because Louis threw an arm around him and declared that he was the father of Harry’s baby.

There must have been some Larry shippers in the audience because some fans were extremely happy with that answer.

“Wow, well congratulations to you as well Louis! Are the two of you together?” Ellen asked.

“Not currently,” Louis answered for them.

“Oh! Well, maybe in the future?” Ellen replied.

“Yeah, maybe in the future,” Louis said back while staring at Harry.

Harry couldn’t stop smiling.

The interview ended with Ellen suggesting that they name the baby after her and also receiving some baby clothes with the ‘Ellen’ logo on them.

-&-

By the time they got to the Australian part of the tour, Harry was about eight months pregnant. They had had a break in between the continents – a good month and a bit. Harry had stayed at home again in Cheshire. Louis had come to visit him a few times.

He and Louis were getting along really well these days. Louis loved touching Harry’s belly, feeling the baby kick around inside.

Harry wasn’t really sure about what was going to happen between the two of them. Would they actually try to be a couple eventually? And what was even going to happen when the baby was born since they didn’t even live together anymore?

Harry wasn’t sure but right now he still had to focus on finishing up their tour.

It was getting really hard. He couldn’t run around anymore during the concerts and it frustrated him.

He hated how big he was and he refused to go down to the beach with the others when they had the time to do so.

Louis noticed how insecure Harry was getting so he decided to something about it.

One night at their concert the boys dragged a chair on stage and got Harry to sit in it. They proceeded to sing ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ to him – with Louis and Niall singing his parts in the song. Louis sang Harry’s solo at the end directly to Harry. At the end of the song, Louis kissed him on the cheek.

“You are so beautiful, Harry,” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear afterwards.

Harry smiled and wondered if the whole arena could see him blushing.

-&-

Harry and Louis finally got around to talking about the living arrangements while they were in New Zealand.

They decided that Louis would leave his flat and he and Harry would live in the house that Harry bought last year.

For Harry, it would practically be like moving into a new place just as Louis, since he hardly ever even stayed there when he was home in London. He had usually opted to stay at friend’s houses, like Nick Grimshaw’s or Ed Sheeran’s for multiple weeks at a time.

Of course, he wasn’t going to able to things like that anymore.

It quickly dawned on him that once he got home from the tour and had this baby that he really wasn’t going to be able to be a kid anymore.

He wasn’t going to be able to go out drinking with his friends and he certainly wouldn’t be able to jet off to America whenever he felt like it.

Harry was sad for a moment when he thought about this.

She was going to be worth it though – his and Louis’ little girl.

-&-

By the time, the tour was officially over, Harry felt like he was ready to pop. He spent most of his time lying on his couch while Louis moved all of his stuff in to Harry’s place and got the baby’s room ready.

Harry needed all the rest that he could get after spending his whole pregnancy on the road.  
Louis would take breaks from settling himself in to help tend to Harry. He would cook him meals, even though he really wasn’t that great of a chef, and he would even rub Harry’s feet.

They had been back home for a week when it started – the labour.

They contractions were far apart and not too painful in the beginning and he questioned himself if they were in fact contractions or not. A few hours later, they got worse.

Louis drove him to the hospital and they were put into a hospital room while they waited for a doctor. Harry was obviously going to be having a c-section since a “natural” birth was not an option for male pregnancies.

While they waited, Louis called his and Harry’s mums and both of them said that they would be on their way. He also texted the lads and some of his and Harry’s close friends.

Harry was so glad when the doctor finally came in to get him ready for the c-section because the pain was starting to get really bad.

Louis stood right by Harry’s side as the c-section began. He held Harry’s hand tightly.

A few minutes later, Harry heard crying and a “congratulations, it’s a girl”. He and Louis were both crying as well.

After the c-section was all done, Harry was sent to the recovery room. It was there that he finally got to hold his baby girl. Louis took what felt like a million pictures of the two of them.

She was the most beautiful thing that Harry had ever seen in his entire life.

-&-

One year later, it was daughter’s first birthday. Harry and Louis were throwing a party for Ella – Louis had picked out her name – at their place and all of their friends and families were invited.

Ella looked like a mixture of both Harry and Louis. She had Harry’s dark curls and Louis’ bright blue eyes.

They both loved that little girl more than anything.  
It had been an interesting year for them. They had had a few months of break time from One Direction to spend quality time caring for Ella.

Harry and Louis grew closer and closer the more time that they spent together. Eventually, Louis surprised Harry by actually asking him out on a date. They had Harry’s mum babysit Ella for the night while Louis took Harry out for dinner and then back to their place where they had sex for the second time (but this time a lot less drunk and with more lube, preparation, and a condom).

The lads came by a lot to come visit. They all loved baby Ella and they loved to spoil her with lots of gifts. Niall would often show up with some custom made t-shirts for her saying things like “Niall is my favourite uncle”.

When Ella was about six months old, the band had to start recording their new album. Harry and Louis would bring her with them to the studio. Nobody minded because everyone loved Ella.

Now Harry and Louis’ little girl was turning one and they could hardly believe how the time had gone by so fast.

They had a house full of their closest friends and all of their relatives and a table full of gifts for Ella to open.

Harry was sat on the couch with Ella sleeping in his arms. Louis joined them and sat close to Harry.

“It’s been a quite a year, huh?” Louis said to Harry with a chuckle.

Harry laughed. “Yeah, who would have thought that we’d be throwing a birthday party for _our_ child?”

Louis smiled, “I love you, Harry.”

“I love you too,” Harry replied back leaning his head on Louis’ shoulder, “I love our little family.”


End file.
